Vera Nice, Vera Evil

Today is the 100th birthday of my grandmother, Anna Didenko. She may not have lived to see this day, but she will always be 100 in my eyes.

Yeah, it’s been a while since I have been here. The world is still in a pandemic, chaos is the flavor of the month, and everyone is on the brink of starting World War III. Perhaps, I am glad my grandmother doesn’t have to see what the world has become, or worse, what I have become as a result.

On Twitter, I argue with antivaxxers and anti-mandaters over the whole pandemic synopsis: the actual virus, the actual disease, the actual vaccines, the actual course of treatments, and in some cases, the actual cause of death of professed antivaxxers who refused treatment for whatever G-d awful reason. These people post shit takes about how the vaccine this and the vaccine that, how the World Health Organization and Dr. Anthony Fauci should do this and not that, who is really funding pharmecutical companies, why we have mandates for this and not the other, and so on. These same exact people get all mad as fuck when I call them out on their bullshit, and they even get vengeful when someone close to their inner circle dies from whatever kills them, caused by COVID-19. The whole thing is sad, really; antivaxxers willing to not only die for their cause, but to cause other people around them to die as well, voluntarily or otherwise.

This is not the world population control that Gene Rayburn, z”l, had in mind when he sponsored the namesake non-profit back in 1980.

In some ways, I have finally embraced bitterness and evil towards people who willingly refuse to vaccinate against this virus, primarily out of their fear to be wrong and laughed at due to embarassment. I don’t like this version of Vera, but this version is stuck until the pandemic ends. I pray.

I look for levity whenever I can, mainly by playing mobile games on my phone. One of those games is Pokemon GO, which encourages exercise by walking (more on that in an upcoming post). A second game I like to play is Best Fiends (fiends, not friends), which is a match 3 plus set. A third game which takes my mind off of the world is Card Games by Bicycle, the maker of the perfect deck of playing cards, in my opinion.

However, at the end of the proverbial day, I find myself just sleeping constantly. No desire to cook or clean, no desire to lose weight, even no desire to reach out to people just to chat; just sleep until either I get my food stamps or my monthly allowance. A lot of that has to do with both the pandemic and my grandmother’s passing. I hope that when the pandemic is finally over, maybe I can reestablish a daily and weekly routine to keep my mind from going completely idle. I miss going to community meal sites for free food and secular fellowship. I miss helping my (now former) neighbors on researching topics of interest. I’m just waiting to live while waiting to die.

The pandemic has disrupted so many things, including bus service to my (now former) apartment building. The disruption has made me reevaluate where I wanted to live. And as a result, I moved from Downtown further back east at the end of November 2021. All is not lost; what I lost in living on the top floor with gorgeous views, I gained in having brand new cabinets and appliances in the bathroom and in the kitchen. The appliances are so brand new, that each appliance had its user manual inside a plastic bag within the appliances themselves. I may have lost one extra bathroom, but I have gained free shuttle buses all over the place on top of two bus routes and a rapid transit train route within meer walking distance.

Now if only this inflation would come down (and perhaps a new round of stimulus checks would be nice), I can go back outside and practice daily grocery shopping to cook some new recipes. Hopefully, the weather will start to sustain its warming potential so I don’t have to worry about ice patches along the sidewalks.

Then again, I am only waiting to live while waiting to die. I would much rather live out loud than to die in silence.

Published by Vera This, Vera That

Disabled autistic writer and blogger.

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