I’m still alive, G-d willing!
To put it out there, I have been out of it. The small wireless keyboard I bought for myself to use with my smartphone to create content wasn’t cutting it. Seeing all of the drama with American politics on Twitter was draining. I was tired. All. Of. The. Time.
I decided to do something about it.
I was going to chart my journey to bariatric weight loss surgery. Let’s face it: I need it. Between the lack of opportunity to exercise outdoors (because some people refused to wear a mask to save lives) and the free community meal places either being closed down or being takeout only (a few have opened back up since the pandemic started here in the US), reaching an all-new high weight of 375 lbs is no something worth really writing about, both figuratively and literally.
In order for the hospital (I selected to participate in their program), I had to meet requirements to proceed. For instance, getting the A-OK from the surgeon meant I had to meet benchmarks from a dietician, a pulmonologist, a dietary psychiatrist (yes, because apparently they exist), and other random experts. It was during this process I discovered somethng else was wrong with me; my sleep was beyond fucked up, I was sleeping too much.
Between that discovery, which I will get further into in a bit, not having unrestricted access to the foods needed to participate in the dietary restrictions (go figure) and nearly walking out on the surgeon due to a PTSD trigger he set off in me, I decided it was too much for me to handle. I turned my attention to the sleep problems, and why I was sleeping so much and still feeling like I hadn’t sleep in days at a time.
I had two different sleep studies consecutively a few weeks ago at the hospital, but not before I had to wean off both of my antidepressants as they are rapid eye movement (REM) blockers as well as weaning off of a wakefulness promoting agent. The sleep studies were for sleep apnea (whch I do have) and for narcolepsy (which, right now I don’t have) and cataplexy (which has not been determined). It finally took me getting impatiently angry at my doctors to have them tell me anything about the results (I don’t give a fuck what holidays occur, my health and survival supersedes all of that), I still have to have “an appointment” with a specialist to “go over the results”.
Even with the wait, I had a verbal tussle with a couple of specialists over which, if any, antidepressant should I restart until I get my results. Being without my meds is not something I recommend. Plus, one of the treatments for cataplexy is a well known antidepressant, one that could fuck with the two other antidepressants on my chart. And I, for one, am not going to guinea pig myself for that at this time.
So now I could have cataplexy and/or narcolepsy, or Parkinson’s disease, since Parkinson’s disease mimics narcolepsy.
What’s that? There’s a pandenic still going on? Over 365,000+ people in the United States of America have died as a result of COVID-19 acclerating their bodies to their deaths? I should be patient? Yeah, that’s not how this works. As long as there are people who are selfish about not wearing masks, I’m going to be selfish in not only wearing a mask, but to fight for my self.
As you may have figured out, I am still not fully medicated back to previous levels. However, I recently celebrated four years of slice-free living. Plus, I am a few days away from hitting the age of 40. A post about the joy of reaching that milestone will come soon (and not like in a few months soon, but a few days soon).
Thank you to all who have supported me and VTVT since the beginning. Now that I received a second stimulus from the government, I decided to gift myself something to celebrate my birthday; a brand new laptop I got on eBay for less than $260 (and that was before taxes). I can use this happy new machine to not only blog, but to also tweet (@vtvt2020) and participate in dreaded Zoom calls. Note: yes, I have a new Facebook account, but it’s only purpose is for cloud storage of video games I play on my phone; I do not post anything, have friends, or entertain friend requests.
Have a day!